Monday, November 27, 2006

Chester is the best-er

Our hero DS awakes in the shack to find it transformed into a unimposing, happy garden shed by the sunlight. A layer of dust and manure have slowly but surely covered him throughout the night. "This be whack!" exclaims DS as he brushes the filth from his body. "How'd I come to be covered from head to toe is shit?". And with this thought, sought out the find answers!
He thought back to his yonger days, watching Columbo and Quincy on tv, and wondered how they would solve the mystery. "I know!, I'll saerch for clues and then find someone to interview" DS spoke aloud (as all good detectives do). So, lighting up a cigar, DS began the search for clues. He searched through the tools onthe top shelf, he searched under the empty bags of manure, he even searched amongst the carefully laid out scribbled ramblings and bible quotations written in blood laid out on the stone table in the centre of the room, and he still found nothing!.
Geting frustrated, DS flung open the door of the shack and stomped out into the sunlight, only to find the butchered bodies of the badass british truckers lying in front of him.
"Rattlesnake milkshake!!" DS screeched like a little girl. "Mutha fuck!" he added.
DS looked upon the bodies of the truckers, taking notes in his trusty leather notebook (thank you Dr. Quincy). The bodies were not only butchered, but partially eaten, melted & poisoned. "We're going to need an ambulance here i think..." DS noted. "STAT!" he added.
He was just about to leave the crime scene, thinking he had collected all the information he needed to start an spicily dangerous adventure, when he noticed a piece of parchment stuck to one of the truckers heads with a long poiny knife. "by godffry! how did i miss that? its going right through his head!". DS read the letter. It read:

To Anusface (thats you!)

I have butchered your trucker friends and theres not a darn thing you can do about it! Furthermore, it was I who covered you in the manure from that wranglers shed! Even further more, you are a jerk a dork.
What are you going to do about it? I'll be at my summer house at PonySkull Cove if your man enough to throw fisticuffs!

Yours sincerely,
[Chester the] Huge hideous Beast.

Enraged, DS threw the letter onthe ground and gave it such a savage thrashing that it moved more, then started off to the pirate hometown of PonySkull Cove!


Sunday, October 22, 2006

Cecil the friendly potato farmer's mule

Our hero, DS slams the rotting wooden door closed behind him. The seemingly abandoned spooky desert shack with a dark history looks like the perfect place to hide out overnight, on this night when the moon is neither maning nor waxing, but full!. DS cautiously puts his eye against one of the many holes that are in the rich mahogany timberwork of the shack, and finds the truckers searching the nearby shruberies, acting as though they are completely unaware of our hero's hidden nook.
"what a spot of luck!" exclaimed DS (but in a whisper as not to give away his location) "Those brit's will never think to venture into a shack that obviously has no tea and crumpet making facilities". And of course, he was completely correct. after a quick glance over the area, the truckers found themselves not only lacking someone to mock, but also alone in the desert in, what only moments ago was the blazing sun, but what is now the dead of night.
shivering, the trucker named BoviJovi whipered "I..i...i say ch...chap, lets go and t...take in a show down the west end. I hear Les' Mis is on!"
but before they could take a step, a ghastly shadow leaps seemingly from nowhere, blotting out the light of the moon. Screams filled the air, as the shadow creature ravaged the trucker badasses. What a confrontation it must have been*
*While the Badass Brit truckers may have had a numbers advantage, not to mention a superior diplomatic tounge, the shadow creature is theoried to have many tounges, and while non are used for diplomatic discussion, they non-the-less seemed to win out in this confrontation. The shadow beast had the obvious psychological advantage over the BBT's, as it is common knowledge that Brits are afraid of the dark, so it goes to say that a beast made from the darkness itself would put 2 or even more brits, regardless of their proffession, in quite a state.
Also, the Shadow beast seemed to be about 10 ft tall, weigh about 4 tonnes, have acid breath, bone spikes for eyes and have poison blood.
DS However, he was completely oblivious to all of this however, for he had fallen asleep.

Will DS escape the beast? will he even realise there is a beast after him? Will the next blog be better than this one? only time will tell

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Man in a can!

Danger mouse and the Spice Girls uniting to take on the one and only "dangerspice" Reynolds in a one night only grudge match at the *insert big stadium name*!
But DS Reynolds is too strong for them! Danger mouse may have ultimate spy skills, a thirst for danger and a trustly british mole sidekick. The Spice girls may perhaps spice..... . And together they may have Danger and spice, but only DS has the coke addiction, stick fighting abilities and knack for spicy south of the boarder cooking skillz required to be heralded as this centuries "DANGERSPICE"!

Peak your intrest? No? well ge the shit out of my blog then!
DS Reynolds, a renegade cop on the run from the law for a crime he probably didnt even maybe commit! Can he solve the clues in time to solve to mystery of his parters suspicious death, or will he fall deeper into a world of corruption?
Entry 1
Once a peaceful southern boy, DS (then standing for Dip Shit) liked riding through the woods and picking wild flowers for his sick mother....until one day a badass trucker gang drove into town, much like one trucker driving into a town...but grittier and smellier and on a much larger scale.....also, they seemed to have a heirarchy within the group, labeling one the leader, while others took on roles directly under the leader and so on, until you got to the new recruits who acted as the bottom rung of the social structure........
Anywho, these truckers were a rough bunch. I heard that they broke a window one time, and didnt even leave a note or apology or anything!. They were speeding up Route 99 (at least 33 higher than that sucker route 66) when they passed DS on the side of the road, picking up litter for one of the local environmental groups.
"Breaker Breaker BoviJovi, this is SteevieKicks, May I suggest that we partake in a smiggen of tomfoolery and play a jolly good gag on that chap we just passed?"
"I hear ya loud and clear SK, Oh thats a positivly splendid idea, let us begin at once!"
DS watched as the 2 huge rigs passed him, slowed, and began to turn back. They stopped just short of hitting him, at which point the drivers leapt from the drivers cabins and let loose with jibe after jibe in DS's direction.
"I say chap, you remind me of a fallen apple strudle" the trucker called BoviJovi said with spite
"with cream and glazed cherries" added his friend SteevieKicks
Now DS, being true to his name, didnt know what to make of these insults, but he felt he should act hurt so as not to iccur further mockery from these obviously fruity british badass truckers, SO he at once lept up in a frenzy of tears and confusion and ran of into the desert, tripping over tumbleweeds all the while until he came upon a wooden hut.......

What will happen next!?